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SOMETIMES I CRACK MYSELF UP

The Other Woman — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:44:00 GMT

One thing I had to get finished was the designing of "The Other Woman" merchandise. Well, its for the most part done and is now launched. Please visit www.imetyourhusbandlastnight.com. Click on Online Merchandise. Here is a sample of what you will find.

There are journals, clothing, lawn signs and more. Looking for some feedback! xoxox The Other Woman

WRITING CONTEST!

The Other Woman — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:26:00 GMT

Please visit. www.imetyourhusbandlastnight.com for all contest details. Win an opportunity to have your short story included in the next novel "I Met Your Husband Last Night" edition two. Five winners will be chosen. All winners have to opportunity to have an additional complete manuscript reviewed by the publisher or his agents of Maximize Publishing. Contests rules and deadlines are located at www.imetyourhusbandlastnight.com. Maximize Publishing is a division of Immortal Investments.

She's Doing It With BOB!

The Other Woman — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:55:00 GMT

To cause or to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance or material. Compliments of dictionary.com.

After couples have been married for a while. Men just don't seem to travel south much anymore. Why is that? Did I miss the clause in the marriage license that states men know longer need to take this trip to a tropical hot paradise?.

If women knew that such a paragraph was hidden, they would not sign the contract to loneliness. Men expect tasting of the treats to continue. Finally when the score is 182 to nothing in his favor, the wife says "screw it" and basically that is all she will do.

The husbands start complaining but they are never smart enough to figure out its their fault. This is the twentieth century and women want to be treated equal. The number seven is not lucky, its the number eight.

When a woman has finally had it, she turns to her Bob. Yes, most woman have had an affair with him. Ladies have become great at hiding him. He may be in the closest, under the bed, betweens her sheets; sometimes you may even find Bob in her suitcase.

Bob is every womans best friend. He is her "Battery Operated Boyfriend...BOB".

We wouldn't have to cheat with BOB if our husbands were smarter. The problem is, once a girl has been with Bob and she has already had children. Her career is better than her husbands. Why do we need to have husbands anymore? Bob can't bitch, he does what he is told to do, you will never find Bob farting or belching, Bob loves to be turned on and we don't have to work so hard to get him up not to mention he looks forward to the trip south.

The creator of BOB knew woman only wanted just one part of a man. Blowup, life size full body versions are not required. I just can't imagine a plastic or vinyl balloon of a person under me or over me. Men really are screwed up in the head.

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Steve The Married Guy

The Other Woman — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:30:00 GMT

Steve was one of those men that became better looking with age. He never received much attention from women until he was about forty. His gray hair and soft wrinkles made him look sexy and alluring.

New found attention. He would sit in a bar and random women would speak to him. Flirting and batting their eye lashes. Steve was now something he never was before - Desired.

There is someone out in our universe for everyone. People develop their own sense of what they consider beautiful. Everyone can and will be loved. How many times have you noticed a couple that seemed mismatched? The man is stunning and the woman looks like she was run over by a truck?

Steve loved his new attention. God had blessed him but in the same turn he played a terrible joke on his wife. They had been married for twenty years, raised three children, all of which are now in college. The couples sex life dried up years ago when she hit menopause and Steves sex drive fell off the face of the earth.

New attention: Steve felt young again. He woke every morning with a smile on his face and lucky for him, the medical community granted to him another gift. Viagra. Yep, even Steves other body parts are now feeling youthful.

He bought a little sports car, works out at the gym and attends more social parties he ever had before in his life. Steve was wearing a sign over his head that said "My life has begun again."

His wife on the other hand felt neglected and not desired. Steve suggested she lose weight and perhaps have some elective surgeries. The wife now had four children instead of three. She took his advise and sought out a very talented doctor. Sweating to work out tapes, she had a personal trainer and before long appeared 15 years younger. Steve noticed his wifes transformation. He was thrilled!

He had it all planned out. Steve organized a surprise renewal of vows. He purchased a anniversary band and booked a trip to Hawaii. He came home from the office early, walked in the house as proud as a peacock and found his wife in bed with the doctor.

As she grabbed a sheet and held it tight to her new boobies she said to him; "Steve, for three years you were an ass to me. You ran around behind my back all while insulting me. So, I took your advise and became the person you wanted me to be. The problem is, I no longer want you." She reached into the night stand drawer and pulled out the divorce papers and handed them to him.

PHILLIP IS SINGLE

The Other Woman — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Who's Phillip? He happens to work for an airline as a flight attendant and I was fortunate enough to be seated in First Class; his section. However, he was lucky enough to serve me! Cocky? No, what I mean is that Phillip had an interesting passenger on that flight. The Other Woman; far from the typical passenger.

My honey travels so often that the airlines bump him to First Class most flights. I on the other hand, do not; coach is not my bag but my location.

This flight was a little different. I was traveling with my sweetheart and he was kind enough to give me his first class seat assignment. Yes, he is a very nice guy.

I was then special. Sitting with the rest of the First Class citizens instead of the second class, it promotes a powerful feeling! I was a queen for my four hour flight. Had I been sitting in second class, I may have never been noticed or had drawn the attention of Phillip.

The first thing that I noticed was he was not gay. He had a charming smile and his face lit up further when he realized that his passenger was playful. I was re-reading for the thousandth time my book "I Met Your Husband Last Night" to see if I could find an additional errors. Phillip inquired as to what I was doing. I showed him the titled and he wanted to know if I could write about him. He said he could pretend he was married, that elicited a laugh from me. Who in their right mind would want to pretend to be married!

After he walked away, I decided to have a little fun, I wrote down the following questions and slipped him the piece of paper. A devils grin appeared on his face when I handed it to him.

Are You Married? If No, do you have a girlfriend? Answer: I'm not. You? If not, a boyfriend?

How many woman do you flirt with on a given flight? Answer: People would say all of them. I say it's my personality. How many flight attendants do you flirt with when flying?

Have you ever dated someone you met while flying? Answer: No, I haven't. Have you ever dated a flight attendant?

Have you caught someone/a couple trying to join the mile high club? Answer: No. You? Are you a member?

How old are you? Answer: I am 40. You?

What kind of woman are you looking for? Answer: The right one! What kind of man are you looking for?

Do you look down a womans shirt because they are seated and you are standing? Answer: If they are showing, I'm looking - sometimes it cannot be helped. Have you looked at a flight attendants goods when they walk down the aisle?

Would your mother approve of your social behavior? Answer: Yes! Does your mother approve of yours?

What has been your most exciting experience on board an aircraft? Answer: All of the cool people that I get to meet. What activities do you enjoy when you are not writing?

Phillip delivered his answers back to me on a tray. I laughed, not so much at his answers but because he was asking questions of me in return. Sometimes I forget that not everyone knows that I am married.

He was a wonderful, nice cutie of a flight attendant. My time was enjoyable, he made the flight go by quicker. A big thanks out to my honey for letting me take his seat. I had a lot more fun then he did!

Phillip is divorced and looking for the right girl. Listen ladies, if you are looking to travel the world, Phillip may be interested in taking you!

To Phillip: I could not put you in the book but I did blog about you! xoxo The Other Woman

Dumbo Is Not Fictional

The Other Woman — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:08:00 GMT

Your ears and nose continue to grow as we age. Hum. I was on an airplane yesterday and could not help but notice the abundance of large ears. I looked to the side of me, in front and in back. I studied both women and men.

Here's what I found. Every man over the age of lets say sixty, had these really large ears. Of all of the woman I looked at, their ears appeared to be of normal size in accordance with their head size.

As we age, we can lose our ability to hear and smell as well as we did in our youth. Could that be the reason why those two features continue to grow? I have never heard a man express that because his ears are twice the size they use to be, that he can hear better.

I'm not even sure if they notice the size difference.

I am on a business trip with my sweetheart and over breakfast, I discussed this oddity with him. He needs to attend a conference today which will be filled with older men. He told me that for the rest of the day, he will be looking at everyones ears instead of concentrating on the real reason why he is here. I couldn't help but laugh that I spread to him my curse of analyzing things to much and paying attention to those things that may go unnoticed by most people.

As I was relaying my disturbed thinking to him, I had to look at his ears and wonder what size they will ultimately grow too. Funny. Dumbo is not fictional after all.

Have You Seen My Ex-Husband?

The Other Woman — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 20:44:00 GMT

I have something. It's embarrassing. It almost resembles a nose and it has grown to my hiney. It's my ex husband. Even the word is filthy. I have tried "Exlax" because that gets rid of about everything but that piece of dung has remained.

I know I am not alone in this world. Far too many woman have to deal with the stalking and aggressive behaviors from their ex spouses. There was a time in my life that I admitted to the police that I know why mothers and children's faces show up on milk cartons. I can relate.

I have been divorced since 2001. It would appear to the court system and the police as if it was yesterday because he just won't stop. He plead guilty to domestic violence after we were divorced and since then, he is not physical but his abuse continues. Now its with the court systems or entrapment, words that petrify me to the bone and using my children as pawns.

I was silent in the marriage and never told anymore about the abuse at hand. I hid it. To the world, I had the perfect life. Big house, lots of money, beautiful family. Behind closed doors was a different story.

I have come to the conclusion that it does not matter how much I give in to his antics, he just won't stop. He is obsessed with me. I have said repeadily ever since I was divorced that I can very well be the victim of a homicide.

Here's another scarey part. He keeps all of his activities as a secret. Well baby, this is my blog and nothing is a secret anymore!

If you see my exhusband - RUN!

Cheaters And Jail Time

The Other Woman — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 19:43:00 GMT

Suspect your husband of having an affair?. Online or Offline it could be devastating to your marriage and perhaps illegal.

The worst thing the adulterer can do is lie to the other spouse about what happened. There is always a reason for what we do.

If the victim spouse is really angry, he/she can contact the police!

Some states have statutes to inhibit adultery by making such behavior punishable as a crime. Although adultery has ordinarily been regarded as a legal wrong, under the law of some states, one act of adultery constitutes a crime, whereas in others, there must be an ongoing and notorious relationship. The prosecution of offenders are rare. Hum, why is that?

Its a tough decision to stay with someone after the major foundation of the relationship has been violated. "TRUST."

If the victim spouse receives some kind of STD from the affair, I would think other charges could be filed. Such as assault and in the matter of AIDS or syphilis which can kill you, a charge could be attempted murder. I would believe those charges could be brought forward in any state whether they have an adultery law or not.

So, cheaters beware. Their little buddy down there could land them in jail!

WHO AUTHORS THIS BLOG?

The Other Woman — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 20:06:00 GMT

My name is April de Cardenas. I have never been "The Other Woman" as portrayed by normal definition. Hum, what exactly does that mean? I have never been intimate with a married man BUT I have been around enough married men over the years, engaging in conversations, learning about their personal lives that I feel like "The Other Woman".

For over twenty years I have surveyed men as to why they have affairs. I have been approached (as most women) more times than we have sun in a year. I have analyzed, collected data and shaken my head.

Finally, I just could not hear the bullshit anymore. I decided to fight back and authored a book as my weapon of words. I MET YOUR HUSBAND LAST NIGHT.

Writing this novel gave me a chance to poke fun at men. Adultery is not funny but the male species certainly is. Not all men cheat and those that do are not alone. Many women are not faithful in their relationships either.

The author of this blog is married with six children and happily retired from the mortgage business. My mission at this time is to make the playing field even.

Tell the truth or take a hike. Life is too short to live in misery.